I like right angles. Straight lines. Symmetry. I like cleanliness, neatness, order. I often see the world in black and white and forget about the shades of gray. I shy away from messy, from chaos, from the uncertain.
I like pattern and predictability and consistency.
And yet, I'm starting to realize that the times I've felt most alive are when I allowed myself to draw outside the lines, to forget about structure and order.
The moments aren't always pretty or pristine but they've left a stamp imprinted deeply in my soul that leaves me starving for more.
...The nights I forgot what time it was and let the minutes slip away with friends and conversation and wild ideas.
...Surfing over a sea of hands, loud music blaring all around me.
...Saying the words that were oh-so-hard to articulate but unarguably necessary.
...Leaving the familiar behind and traveling to another country with four strangers for a month.
...Driving and driving and driving away, not really sure why, but loving every minute of it.
...Letting go of the rules and going for it.
...Standing on a stage, hundreds of people in front of me, watching, waiting.
...Entering a room, alone and scared but knowing what's on the other side will be worth it.
...Running all those miles with all those people until there was hardly any air left in my lungs.
...Reconnecting, even when it was painful.
...Shouldering a responsibility I doubted I could handle and proving to myself and the rest of the world that I could do it and do it well.
...Saying to your face all the things I needed to say.
...Not caring what anyone thinks.
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