Pouring it out

I’m past the nonstop crying. I’m past the point where I can’t talk about it without erupting into tears. I’m past the point of where it invades my every thought.

But I’m not very far past those points. I still want to cry. I still can’t keep my thoughts on other things for very long.

It’s amazing how difficult a process it is to separate yourself from someone. But it is. How do you go from being “us” to being “me?”

I want him to comfort me. I want him to wrap his arms around me and tell me everything is going to be all right. I want him to make it better. But he’s the one person who can’t.

I don’t know how to be alone.

Waiting

They say time heals everything. I hope that's true.

Randomness

My wonderful roommate is engaged! I'm so excited! Rick proposed to Mel on Sunday, the day after Mel's twin sister Kate's wedding. This past weekend was wedding-themed for sure. Patrick and I attended two weddings on Saturday, and then Mel and Rick capped the weekend off with the big proposal on the beach and the BEAUTIFUL ring.

I really could watch Friends every day and never grow tired of it. Right now I'm on Season 5, following the wedding drama of Ross saying the wrong name. Aaahhh, good stuff.

It's only June and it's already entirely too hot. It's getting in the way of me running as regularly as I should.

I'm nearly done with the book I've been reading forever. Ugh, I can't wait to move onto something else.

I tried to post this when it was actually raining, but failing Internet wouldn't allow it

I love the sound of rain.

I love the sound of rain almost more than any other. For me, it's therapeutic, it's reassuring. I love a steady, pounding rain that pours down as though it'll never end. I love the sound as the rain, indistinguishable as individual drops, hits the roof, the trees, the blacktop.

I don't know why exactly, but it's comforting to me. I feel safe at home with the world being showered outside. The wind picking up. The sound of thunder in the distance. The sound of water splashing.

It's like a cleansing breath. The rain washes away the dirt, the grime, the sins, the mistakes of the day. It’s renewal.

The more things change, the more they stay the same

We get so ingrained in our daily routines, our lives become habitual. Our days operate like clockwork. We talk about our bad habits, the things we do that come so naturally to us that we wish didn't. And, perhaps less frequently, we talk about good habits. But the way we live, in fact, becomes one big habit.

We all fall into the trap of habitiual motion. We're caught off guard by the slightest differences, the slightest upsets in the routine.

This morning, I felt a sense of unease because traffic was lighter than usual on my way to work. I felt eerily alone on the streets for my morning drive. It was a change from what I'm used to.

I leave my house for work at the same time every day. I travel the same route. The traffic is always the same. I go to the same building for work. I think the same morning thoughts as I punch the code to the back door. I sit down at the same desk, open up the same laptop and begin the same day. I have it practically down to science. I check my e-mail and get caught up on world news and celebrity gossip (we all have our vices). I spend the first bit of my day easing into my day. Then comes the exchanging of e-mails and the phone calls. I flip through my post-it note to-do lists and typically add on to them. I conduct interviews, I research, I write. At about the same times every day, I feel the hunger pangs that drive me to raid my snack drawer or compel me to eat lunch.

I felt a sense of dread this morning when I realized how monotonous my life had become that fewer cars on the road caused me to do a double take. Sometimes I forget that change can be good, spontaneity can be good, straying from the norm can be good. Sometimes you just need to drive a different route, listen to a different radio station, think outside the box. Don't let life become a habit.

Thank goodness for lazy weekends

For the first time in a while, I didn't have to go anywhere this weekend and had virtually no plans. But that's not to say my weekend went without accomplishments:
-went on two runs
-tried a new recipe
-made a nice-sized dent in the book I'm reading
-saw What Happens In Vegas and LOVED it

Happy Birthday to Me (a few days late)

Yes, I wore a tiara for my birthday lunch.