Songs say it better

Faith Hill -- "Like We Never Loved at All"

You never looked so good
as you did last night,
underneath the city lights,
there walking with your friend,
laughing at the moon.
I swear you looked right through me.
But I'm still living with your goodbye,
and you're just going on with your life.

How can you just walk on by
without one tear in your eye?
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?
Maybe thats just your way
of dealing with the pain,
forgetting everything
between our rise and fall
like we never loved at all.

You, I hear you're doing fine.
Seems like you're doing well
as far as I can tell.
Time is leaving us behind,
another week has passed
and still I haven't laughed yet.
So tell me, what your secret is
to letting go, letting go like you did,
like you did.

How can you just walk on by
without one tear in your eye?
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?
Maybe that's just your wayof dealing with the pain,f
orgetting everythingbetween our rise and fall
like we never loved at all.

Did you forget the magic?
Did you forget the passion?
Oh, and did you ever miss me,
and long to kiss me?
Oh baby, baby.

Maybe that's just your way
of dealing with the pain,
forgetting everything
between our rise and fall
like we never loved at all

Meet me:

I am head over heels in love with the written word. I love to write, to read, to conceptualize. My life essentialy revolves around words and grammar and story lines. And I'm okay with that.

I stress entirely too much. All day every day, I'm stressing. About something.

I need love, affection, acceptance.

Wikipedia is my friend. I find myself constanting looking up random stuff and trying to educate myself. I hate not knowing about or understanding a particular subject.

Grease is the best movie ever.

I live in a dream world.

I'm not as smart as I'd like to be.

I have a great many faults: I curse too much. I talk too much. I'm loud at inappropriate times. I forget decorum. I get silly after a few glasses of wine. I'm too judgemental. I'm proud.

I think it's possible to be brainy and brilliant. To know it all and look good in heels.

I'm indecisive.

I long for more.

I surrender all

Even though I believe and know in my heart that I must hand everything over to God, sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I want to try to take care of the things going on in my life. Sometimes I want to be proactive, make decisions, be a do-er, a problem-solver.

I have to constantly remind myself that God is in control, and that God being in control is way, way better than what life would be like if I were in control. If I took the reins, my life would be a mess.

But letting go, making a conscious decision to hand a problem, a grief, a burden over to the Lord and ask him to deal with it isn't easy for me.

I often mistakenly feel like I know what's best for me and try to act accordingly. Instead of taking my problems into my own hands, I need to learn to ask for guidance, ask for the words and actions the Lord wants me to impart.

Lord, today I ask you, please take this from me. I no longer want it. I surrender it wholly and completely to you. Do with it what you will. Do with me what you will.

Have me speak and do the things that are your will and that glorify you.

Trying to make sense of the nonsensical

Sometimes I wonder if life is ever supposed to make sense. I find myself concluding that it's not. Which is tough for me, because I like things to make sense. I like to plan, schedule, figure everything out, understand the points, the purposes, the hows, the whys. But the more I experience in this crazy little thing called life, I realize we're not intended to figure it all out. Life is supposed to be a little mysterious. Life is supposed to be fluid, to catch us by surprise.

So it seems I must say 'so long' to my map, my compass, my crystal ball, my magic decoder.

It's a tough lesson to learn, but I know I'm learning it. I know with each day that goes by, I'm learning, I'm growing, I'm becoming more willing to to appreciate the enigma of life.

Stuff that makes me happy

Pouring it out

I’m past the nonstop crying. I’m past the point where I can’t talk about it without erupting into tears. I’m past the point of where it invades my every thought.

But I’m not very far past those points. I still want to cry. I still can’t keep my thoughts on other things for very long.

It’s amazing how difficult a process it is to separate yourself from someone. But it is. How do you go from being “us” to being “me?”

I want him to comfort me. I want him to wrap his arms around me and tell me everything is going to be all right. I want him to make it better. But he’s the one person who can’t.

I don’t know how to be alone.

Waiting

They say time heals everything. I hope that's true.