Reasons to smile

Ya know how some songs just make you happy? Keith Urban's "You Look Good in My Shirt" is one of those for me right now. I know I talk a lot about music, but I really can't help it. Next to writing, music is my next biggest love. And next to writing, it's my next best therapy.

It's there for you when you're giddy, there when you're lost, there for whatever occassion, whatever mood. There's a song for every feeling, every moment in time.

But seriously, this song just makes me smile. It's great. Every time I hear it, I can't help but turn it up. I'm already a huge fan of Keith Urban's, and this song just further solidifies that fandom.

"And maybe it's a little too early
To know if this is gonna work
All I know is you're sure looking
Good in my shirt
That's right
You look good in my shirt"

Notes

I'm becoming my parents. Though I don't drink coffee every day, I could. And on those days that I don't, I'm not really awake. I'm really in a sleepwalking/pseduo-awake state and am only responsive through habit. So if I don't remember a conversation or an event, I'll likely blame it on a lack of coffee. It's amazing the depencies we effortlessly fall into. Ahh, coffee...sweet, sweet caffiene-rushing-through-my-veins addiction.

I've been reading some Nicholas Sparks books, which is much-welcomed easy reading after finally finishing beast-of-a-book Atlas Shrugged. I do feel smarter for having read A.S., however, so no regrets.

Shoes make me happy. I'm highly superficial, I know. My shoe storage thingy is burgeoning with flats and heels and flip flops. And yes, that makes me happy.

I'm trying to figure out whether there are any runs I can do before I go to England. I'm worried about whether I'll be able to run or not while I'm over there. Shannon, who went to Australia last year, said a couple of her team members managed to squeeze in a run from time to time, so that was encouraging. I guess I'll pack my sneakers and shorts and hope for the best. I'd love to do a 5k-10k before I go, but it's not looking like that's going to happen with a fast-filling schedule on the horizon.

The next weeks and months are going to be hella crazy. Wedding prep and festivities with Lee, GSE England team meetings, the beginnings of wedding stuff with Mel, etc., etc.

Songs say it better

Faith Hill -- "Like We Never Loved at All"

You never looked so good
as you did last night,
underneath the city lights,
there walking with your friend,
laughing at the moon.
I swear you looked right through me.
But I'm still living with your goodbye,
and you're just going on with your life.

How can you just walk on by
without one tear in your eye?
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?
Maybe thats just your way
of dealing with the pain,
forgetting everything
between our rise and fall
like we never loved at all.

You, I hear you're doing fine.
Seems like you're doing well
as far as I can tell.
Time is leaving us behind,
another week has passed
and still I haven't laughed yet.
So tell me, what your secret is
to letting go, letting go like you did,
like you did.

How can you just walk on by
without one tear in your eye?
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?
Maybe that's just your wayof dealing with the pain,f
orgetting everythingbetween our rise and fall
like we never loved at all.

Did you forget the magic?
Did you forget the passion?
Oh, and did you ever miss me,
and long to kiss me?
Oh baby, baby.

Maybe that's just your way
of dealing with the pain,
forgetting everything
between our rise and fall
like we never loved at all

Meet me:

I am head over heels in love with the written word. I love to write, to read, to conceptualize. My life essentialy revolves around words and grammar and story lines. And I'm okay with that.

I stress entirely too much. All day every day, I'm stressing. About something.

I need love, affection, acceptance.

Wikipedia is my friend. I find myself constanting looking up random stuff and trying to educate myself. I hate not knowing about or understanding a particular subject.

Grease is the best movie ever.

I live in a dream world.

I'm not as smart as I'd like to be.

I have a great many faults: I curse too much. I talk too much. I'm loud at inappropriate times. I forget decorum. I get silly after a few glasses of wine. I'm too judgemental. I'm proud.

I think it's possible to be brainy and brilliant. To know it all and look good in heels.

I'm indecisive.

I long for more.

I surrender all

Even though I believe and know in my heart that I must hand everything over to God, sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I want to try to take care of the things going on in my life. Sometimes I want to be proactive, make decisions, be a do-er, a problem-solver.

I have to constantly remind myself that God is in control, and that God being in control is way, way better than what life would be like if I were in control. If I took the reins, my life would be a mess.

But letting go, making a conscious decision to hand a problem, a grief, a burden over to the Lord and ask him to deal with it isn't easy for me.

I often mistakenly feel like I know what's best for me and try to act accordingly. Instead of taking my problems into my own hands, I need to learn to ask for guidance, ask for the words and actions the Lord wants me to impart.

Lord, today I ask you, please take this from me. I no longer want it. I surrender it wholly and completely to you. Do with it what you will. Do with me what you will.

Have me speak and do the things that are your will and that glorify you.

Trying to make sense of the nonsensical

Sometimes I wonder if life is ever supposed to make sense. I find myself concluding that it's not. Which is tough for me, because I like things to make sense. I like to plan, schedule, figure everything out, understand the points, the purposes, the hows, the whys. But the more I experience in this crazy little thing called life, I realize we're not intended to figure it all out. Life is supposed to be a little mysterious. Life is supposed to be fluid, to catch us by surprise.

So it seems I must say 'so long' to my map, my compass, my crystal ball, my magic decoder.

It's a tough lesson to learn, but I know I'm learning it. I know with each day that goes by, I'm learning, I'm growing, I'm becoming more willing to to appreciate the enigma of life.

Stuff that makes me happy