When it comes down to it, I'm the world's most selfish person

I want material things. More shoes. Better clothes. I can't seem to amass enough jeans and heels and and dresses to be satisfied. I fall for the trap of obsessing over name brands. I'm kidding no one; I'm a label whore.

I want to be a better person. Someone you'll like, someone you'll trust, someone you'll turn to. Someone you admire.

I want to get over my insecurities. I want to walk tall, chin up with confidence. I want to be void of all doubts.

I want to be more giving, more altruistic. A better Christian, a better giver of time and resources.

I want the excellent job with the big paycheck. I want the name recognition and the monetary reward.

I want you to think I'm beautiful.

I want to be a mother. I want a housefull of children. I want to be at least a fraction of how good a mother my mother was.

I want it all.

Words of wisdom

Make sure you have all necessary ingredients before embarking on a cooking endeavor.

Laugh. All the time.

Question everything. Some of the time.

Know your audience.

Never decline ice cream. Or a game of Scrabble.

Cherish it all.

I'm thankful...

For family that knows me inside and out and loves me just the same.
For friends who put up with my bipolar, OCD, unstable, obnoxiously loud self.
For rain.
For homecooked meals.
For stories that get told over and over again and never get old.
For health.
For reruns of Friends.
For sweet tea.
For love stories.
For good books, especially ones with happy endings.
For the soundtrack of my life.
For photographs.
For assurance from you.
For life's never-ending surprises.
For movies I can recite by heart (Empire Records, anyone?).
For hope.

Thanksgiving's just around the corner!

What I'm looking forward to:
-Wednesday being the equivalent of Friday at work.
-Going to Raleigh to see my family.
-The super-duper fantastic traffic I'm sure to encounter on I-95. Kidding.
-Making the kick-ass mac and cheese I debuted this past weekend again.
-Laughing with my mother and sister the way only the three of us can -- loudly, frenetically, impulsively, without reason, spontaneously.
-My mom's awesome food.
-Everything else that goes along with Thanksgiving.

Revisiting teenage-dom

When I was a teenager, I let my fear of what others thought get the best of me. I was never cool by anyone’s standards, and I tried desperately to simply not draw attention to myself. I wanted to fly under the radar, unnoticed. I would never have done what I did last night.

Though I’m 25 years old, I let my inner teenager claw its way out from where it had been tucked away for nearly a decade. I donned a hand-painted T-shirt with the words “I love Edward” scrawled across the front and joined some of my favorite people for a midnight showing of teen flick “Twilight” at the cinema. And I had the time of my life, surrounded by giggling, squealing, swooning adolescents and watching ooey-gooey teen love at its finest on the silver screen.

Author Stephanie Meyer has penned four books in the “Twilight” series, and I’ve bought into her vampire/human/werewolf melodrama/romance novels hook, line and sinker. Not the most intellectually-stimulating of reading material, there’s just something raw about them that’s made them my guiltiest of pleasures. Who doesn’t love a good romance? And add the excitement of deadly vampires and werewolves into the mix, and you’ve got a recipe for success.

Earlier in the week, I purchased plain white T-shirts, paint and stencils, and I set to work. I unabashedly graffitied them with phrases like “Team Edward,” “Bella Who?” and “#1 Cullen Fan.”

Daily I browsed fan Web sites and the author’s blog. I repeatedly watched trailers for the film. I downloaded the soundtrack on iTunes and listened over and over again. I fed myself with all things “Twilight;” I figure it’s healthy for everyone to indulge in a little frivolity now and again.

And as my best friend and roommate is also a fan -- as are several coworkers, my mother and my sister – the excitement could be shared. By Thursday, I was ready to burst at the seams.

As someone with a steady “big girl” job, staying up late isn’t something I do very well anymore. So Thursday night, my roommate and I stuffed our faces with sugar and coffee. Then we pulled on our T-shirts over top of long-sleeved Ts and we met up with our girly gang.

I screamed and I danced and I yelped for joy when the moment arrived to go to the theater. Once there, we positioned ourselves amidst other “Twilight” fanatics and super-freaks.

And for two hours, I slipped away from real world problems, from work, from bigger issues, and I lusted over sexy Edward Cullen, and I allowed myself to be 15.

Lyrics of the day -- "Decode" by Paramore from the "Twilight" Soundtrack

How can I decide what’s right
When you’re clouding up my mind?
I can’t win your losing fight
All the time

Not gonna ever own what’s mine
When you’re always taking sides
But you won’t take away my pride
No, not this time
Not this time

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know how

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it’s hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood
But you think that I can’t see
What kind of man that you are
If you’re a man at all
Well, I will figure this one out
On my own
(I’m screaming, “I love you so”)
On my own
(My thoughts you can’t decode)

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well, yeah
How did we get here? Well, I think I know how
Do you see what we’ve done?
We’ve gone and made such fools
Of ourselves
Do you see what we’ve done?
We’ve gone and made such fools
Of ourselves

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well, yeah, yeah
Well, How did we get here?
When i used to know you so well.
I think I know
I think I know

There is something I see in you
It might kill me
I want it to be true

SO pumped about Twilight!

I'm seriously worse than a starry-eyed, drama-filled teenager. I am SO excited about the premiere of Twilight. I have been furiously reading through the books in the series. I'm on the fourth one and don't know what on earth I'm going to do when I've finished. I'm so consumed with all things Edward and Bella and Jacob that returning to reality is going to prove difficult.

Last week, I proudly purchased tickets to Thursday's midnight showing. Working at a newspaper sometimes has its perks; I learned we were about to run an ad announcing the midnight showing and I hurriedly made my way over to the box office. This is how big a dork I am (as if anyone had any doubt) -- the gal informed me I was the first person to buy any of these tickets. Niiiice.