Cont.

There really are times in my life when I wish I had a crystal ball and could see even just a teensy weensy bit into the future. Or that a neon bar sign would drop from the sky, flashing "do ___!" and tell me exactly what I'm supposed to do. Or that I had abilities with my mind to decipher how every scenario from every decision I might make would unfold. I feel like I'm at a crossroads, and there are so many forks in the path. Forks this way and that way and this way and that way. And I just don't know which one to take. How do you know which path is right? They're all going to have consequences. Some of those consequences will be better than others. Some will be worse. That's the tricky part; there's no way to know the consequences, the repercussions, the fallout from taking each different path before us. We can only choose one. I guess I need to stop being scared, stop stalling and just pick one. Delaying my future isn't helping my cause any.

Signs

I need a sign to tell me what to do, to show me the way.

I need a sign...

Where to go from here...

Ever feel so ready for a change you can hardly stand it? It's a terrible feeling. The feeling of entrapment, of being able to go nowhere. I feel that way right now. I keep searching for my next career step, searching, searching, searching. And not finding it. I'm so frustrated.

Let it snow

Well the season's first "wintry mix" is upon us. Supposedly only north of here is there going to be a chance of any real snow, but a girl can hope! I feel like doing a snow dance and praying to the snow gods. I want snow! Is that too much to ask? Ya know, I love living in the South, and I love the great weather, and I would never want to live somewhere where it was cold all the time or snowed all winter long, but for crying out loud, I'd like at least a good snow or two a year. I mean, c'mon. Seriously. White stuff. An accumulation of it. To build snowmen and snow angels and throw snowballs. Ahh...

Random thoughts right now

There's a possibility of a wintry mix in a couple of days. My weather people do not need to taunt me. I love snow. I want snow.

I accomplished a small feat this weekend: I made a yellow cake from scratch. Doesn't sound that big? Oh but it is. I LOVE to bake. Love, love, love it. And I make everything from scratch. Except for yellow cakes. Everybody knows when a birthday cake is what's needed, you get a box. A cake from a box is ALWAYS the way to go. Always moist and delightful. But, I wanted to prove to myself I could make one. So I made one. And I made a cream cheese pound cake. Two yummy birthday cakes for Patrick's 26th. AND? Both turned out great. I was so excited.

I want to write for a magazine. I want to write a novel. I want to write for the rest of my life. I want to be an accomplished writer. I want people to know who I am.

New Year

It really is hard to believe it's now 2008. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a stellar year.

In '07 I really got to do some things I've been wanting to do. I honed my skills in the kitchen big time. I became a better, more diverse cook. I increased my love for baking (and my repertoire!). I think overall I started eating a bit healthier.

I continued exercising and running, thought not to the extent that I would like.

Perhaps most exciting for me, I really really dove back into reading. I've always considered myself a reader, but I'd definitely strayed from regular reading, and I was missing it. I read some great stuff: The Kite Runner, To Kill a Mockingbird, We the Living. I've regained my thirst for books.

This year, there are several things I'd like to see happen. But whenever you start playing the planning game, life has a funny way of changing course. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what life holds in store.

Music is my escape

Music really is my escape. It's my therapy. Better than any stiff stranger in a chair in a stuffy office. Better than junk food. Better than a long drive to nowhere. Better than your advice.

I can get lost in it, I can fall into it, I can forget myself, I can remember myself. I can go somewhere new, I can return somewhere old. I can experience anew, I can revisit the past.

I link music to my mood. I attach it to memories, to times, to people, to places. I can conjur up feelings of a specific moment with the notes of a specific song. It's like nothing else.

Right now I'm listening to Paramore. I'm loving it. It's more powerful than a drug.